You know your life sucks when you\'d rather be at work all night instead of bouncing the walls to the wee morning hours in an empty f\'ing 3 bedroom house bored out of your skull, and way too far into your head and emotions...
Exercising your ass off trying to feel something other than bs heart ache...
It\'s no wonder inmates hang themselves... Solitary confinement is some serious insanity inducing shit.
The worst part of it is that I\'m functioning continuely on 2-3.5 hours of sleep max.. But who needs sleep anyways? F\'ckit it\'s overrated...
You tell yourself you should go out and do something... But the truth is.. Even in a crowd of people you\'re alone inside your head.. Neurons firing in all directions simultaneously... Past, present collide into a collage of reality so distorted people talk to you, you acknowledge the words coming out of their mouths but the truth is the words fall on deaf ears most times...You fake it hoping, they don\'t notice that you have no clue of what they speak... Because of all the wires of thought crissing and crossing.. Twisting and colliding... It\'s maddening.. You\'re uturely insane...
You tell yourself, you should move on, let go of the uncontrollable situation... Forget the past.. Write it off as a waste of time...it means nothing it, meant nothing... But the words cut you to the core because to you they meant everything...a black hole forms sucking you deeper into the brink... You\'ve escaped before... But each time it takes more energy than the last... Energy you don\'t have...
How do you move on? Your time is so limited, limited by work, limited by circumstance, limited by responsibilities, limited by time, limited by time...You\'ve been with the same person for so long, how do you connect, do you even recall, did you ever really know...It was all lies after all...Anger rares it\'s ugly head... Fool she doesn\'t want you anymore, do you think anyone will? Self deprecated fuck! Give up, give in... Loneliness is all you know all You will ever know... Do you really want to put yourself out there again to be hurt to feel this level of pain? Be content with shaping yourself into someone that you can stare at in the mirror and be happy with... achievements... It\'s not enough, you\'re still ugly.. fat, flab... distorted flesh...get fitter, go deeper, Try harder... What\'s the point? For whom do you do this for? No one, nothing...sadness, despair... No matter what you see in the mirror, it isn\'t good enough, it wasn\'t good enough... Will it ever be? Emaciate yourself! Wither away into Oblivion! It doesn\'t matter anyways!
Outfit this house with padded walls... Order a straight jacket...bar the windows...close yourself off from reality....This has become your weekend insane asylum!