All-Points Bulletin
From Police Chief’s desk
Victim: 2013 Ford F150 truck, color: Blue Jeans Metallic
Name of victim: Big Blue
Location of damage: Windshield (lower passenger side)
Date of incident: Sunday April 28, 2013
Time of Day: Approximately 2:20 P.M.
Location where crime committed: Massachusetts Interstate Route 90 Auburn, Massachusetts
Suspected criminal: Bugsy Malone
Statement of witness in vehicle: “He came out of nowhere and just rammed the windshield. I almost thought I heard laughing just before he hit it. It scared the hell out of me so bad I’m shaking.”
Summary of crime committed: Bugsy knew what he was doing. He saw the truck coming from 50 yards away, put on his crash helmet and flew head on into the victim’s windshield. Bugsy was not found at the scene. He’s suspected to be stumbling around trying to get his helmet off. If cornered he may try to ram you too, he’s still to be considered dangerous and should be handled with extreme caution. This guy’s got a criminal record a mile long with hundreds of insurance claims to his credit.
Chief’s Statement: I want all on duty patrolmen and police cruisers to be on the lookout for this maniac. Let’s get this guy ASAP. Whoever slaps the cuffs on Bugsy and brings him in will get a month off with pay.
That is all.