I am a coward
I bleed not red but white
Rather unseen them loved
Because love to me it corrupt.
I fade into the back ground yet hate to be ignored
Introvert wishing to be an extrovert
Not even my heart knows for sure
I wonder how happiness feels
Is it light like air
Or burning like fire
Will it consume me whole
Or leave me breathless for more
I see myself in the mirror
Yet wonder who it is that looks back
The girl thousand years younger then her soul
With a mask unbroken by emotion
Empty caves only echo back doubt
For how can I ever be enough
To be loved
Even when I lie to myself that I don\'t want
To feel that traitous fleeting thing
I tell myself I\'m happy alone
That I don\'t fear men, fathers
That sex isn\'t something
That beyond fantasy
My own hand
Makes me want to puke up my guts
Maybe I should cry
But that salty relief
Is buried deep inside
Shouldn\'t I be used to it
To being tossed aside
Will it ever get easier
Or will it forever
Cripple me further inside
I yearn to be acknowledged
But shrink back from eyes
So yes
I am a coward
A coward wholely dead inside
At least on the outside
But really I am
Nothing but a little girl
Curled tight
In a ball
A pathetic position
Wanting to be saved
But hoping to be left
I crave trouble
Like an alcoholic craves whiskey
Because to me the bad seem free
Like I fear
I\'ll never get to be
I am a coward
But that is not what I\'m meant to be
I will be free
By whatever means
Because to me
Free is the only thing worthy to be.