The Road of Growing Up


How have you wormed your way into my heart?
Spreading a sickness, changing my persona.
You act so nonchalant, like you have no idea what is going on.
Perhaps you don\'t have a clue at all.
But times I catch you... With the way you smile, the way you gaze at me afar, the way you talk to me unlike anyone else.
I realize it\'s those little queues that lead me onto a road never ending.
Stuck between wanting to know if the possibility is real or if it\'s all in my head.
Am I driving myself mad by not taking the risk?
The reasons I have held back.
Being to scared to hear your rejection.
Being to scared to lose your friendship.
Being to scared to start over from square one.
Being to scared to confess the one demon holding me back from life.
Is it the lack of trust?
Though you have stayed up all night to listen to my woes.
Been there when I needed you most.
A secret part of me knows how you\'d react.
Knowing the truth.
Angry that I didn\'t confess sooner.
Would you still want me then?
Crazy how one comes to this point.
The best thing for me to do is let you go.
Separate myself from you completely.
To heal my mental state of mind, to look at the big picture from far away.
I\'d be fine knowing that you are happy.
That we could still carry on like nothing is wrong.
Keep dancing our tango of to be or not to be.
As long as we are friends.
I thank you for the little hope you have given me.
I\'ve gained a strange confidence I never knew I had in myself .
And walking further down this road of growing up.
Perhaps I\'ll discover what I\'m looking for.


Rebecca Jones