Missed Connections
2010
To the French girl at the youth ministry revival,
That was my first kiss you took from me. I want it back, you jerk. I was saving it for Isaac! Call me. (Don’t text, my parents won’t let me have a cellphone.)
2012
Female 10th Doctor at the Columbus Comic Expo, I am so sorry I took your picture without permission. I deserved to be called a “creepy bitch”, you were right. I thought you looked really cool and I was overcome with a strong feeling of… um, what was that feeling? Friendship, I think. I was overcome with a strong feeling of friendship. I want to make it up to you, I’m so sorry.
2015
You brought “Princess Mononoke” and “Nausicaa: Valley of the Wind” to my place so we could suck face as you called me by your ex’s name. You left the movies behind on purpose, and I’m not giving them back. Stop calling me, this is one connection I want to stay missed.
2016
Do you remember the girl from Mount Storm Cemetary who you shared your bowl with, who you spooned in the yellowing grass as you watched “The Holy Mountain”? Do you remember the quick kiss we shared after checking that we weren’t being watched? I had 7 new experiences that day. Thank you.
I came out to my Dad that week, which I never thought I’d have the courage to do.
I don’t think we’d make a good pair, but I still want to thank you and see you again.
2017
Your face said young, but your attire said geriatric professor. You left the community spring cleaning with a stack of books and a small angel figurine, with the most intense of lesbian swaggers, I might add, and drove away in a wood-panelled van decorated with Sasquatch bumper stickers.
Meet me at Le Esquire 7:00 p.m. tomorrow if you felt what I did.
2018
You threw up on me at a the socialist after-party, and it was magical. We exchanged numbers but you never picked up. Have you seen “The Shape of Water” yet, Margaret? It was just like the classic films you told me you love so much in your gentle rambles and slurs. I know you still have my number, I’ll be here.