I walked around
with my heart out loud
sharing every doubt.
You told me, to share my troubles, share my pains.
On the days where nothing I saw was black and white.
You\'d said you\'d lead me to light.
you said you\'d feed me potions that breed happiness
that you\'d send me to people who would untangle my mind
But when my brain rejected your way
you told me that I had no right
that I was overacting
that
i
was
irrelevant.
that my thoughts were useless
that all i ever said was lies.
i\'d like to know,
how you can read my mind like that?
How i can give you one sentence and you can solve the war
but all you ever did we give me dead ends
and things i hated
and all you ever said to me
\"its for your own good\"
like somehow you know
exactly how i tick
so all this time
when you said telling you was the answer
but all I ever felt was shut down
out of control
at the will of others
and every time i said i hated it you only ever told me
i didn\'t understand
it was for my own good
so now i say nothing
the potions that breed happiness turned out to be poisons
they stay stuck in my veins
festering
i keep my mouth shut and tear up my insides
but i go to work
and this makes you proud
i stay up letting re runs of trauma kill my hope
but i get up early
and this makes you proud
i cut up my arms with the world gets to hard
but i wear cute clothing
and this makes you proud
i cry out my soul and tempt death
but then go back to doing school work
and this makes you proud
i make no effort to change the pain i feel eating away at my insides
but i wear a mask to hide that
and that makes you proud?
The years i spent looking for a cure
to the monsters inside my head
you weren\'t proud.
because all i was to you?
a dramatic teen who was in a phase.
not worth the help
because everthing that made me want to die
was nothing more than a problem
trying to get better
you have to get worse first
and that didn\'t make you proud