Walking down the forest lane
In between the trees,
I turned around the corner,
And got covered all in fleas.
They stung and bit and scratched me
‘Til I could stand no more;
So ran into the river;
And found a sunken door!
The passage that I found there
Led me round and round and round,
‘Til I saw my bum in front of me,
Dragging on the ground.
The trail it made I followed
‘Til another door stood there,
It opened of its own accord,
And before me stood a bear
The bear was red and green and blue,
And tall as any tree,
And pulled my bum into it’s lair,
Followed soon by me!
It took me to his bedroom,
And threw me on the bed!
Then placed its arms around me;
And scratched me on the head.
When at last asleep it fell.
The plug hole I went down;
And came out in a squirrels dray,
Which cost me half a crown!
Down the tree I climbed and fell,
Until I hit the ground;
And there I stood dazed and amazed,
With fairies all around!
They said that they should thank me
From their elbows to their knees,
For saving each and all of them,
When blessing every sneeze!
A goblin chased me out from them
And sent me on my way;
Straight into a water fall,
Where I was splashed with spray.
The water washed me down and down
And set me on a beach;
Where a sealion gave me comfort,
That was still just out of reach!
I stretched and stretched until at last
I found a hook to grip,
And found myself upon the sea;
Aboard a sinking ship!
The ship went down and hit the floor
Of this gigantic sea;
And there before me was another door,
And through it I could see.
I saw the wood from whence I came
And hurried straight on through;
And ended up with you lot,
A strange and motley crew!
I tried to stop this poem
Far earlier in its flight;
But it just kept on going,
This awful load of excrement.