queer-with-a-pen

oh, sweet memory

this taste is one i know well

the sweet kiss of peach,

swirled pastel pale with cream,

so light on my tongue

pulls me backward in time

 

with one sip,

everything fades away

and i find myself no longer in

this campus bookstore,

running on too little sleep

and almost too much to do

 

a blink of sleepy eyes, a deep yawn

and i am basking in the smells

of roasting coffee beans,

rainbow display of donuts,

the warmth of familiarity offered

by this place that has not existed

since i was in middle school

 

the me now takes a quiet second

to look back at the me then,

just starting to cut my hair short,

hopelessly in love

with this girl,

and angry at the world

 

a voice calls my name,

the one i gave myself,

and i turn in barely concealed excitement,

having mistaken this voice for that

of the girl who made my heart sing

 

what greets me, though,

is my mother, and

she beams at me from behind the

counter of this hole in the wall

coffee shop in welches, oregon,

gestures for me to sit

on a bar stool that spins back

and forth with only

minimal protesting creaks

 

straw scrapes bottom of

plastic cup and a part

of me cries out for

this moment not to end,

being a little kid again,

hands cold from the drink

i am clutching

 

my mother offers me a refill,

but this coffee shop is already

fading out of reality and back to memory

and i miss it bitterly

 

i want that coffee shop back,

with the good food and friends and love

i want that girl to hold my hand again,

make everything feel more whole

 

but my mother still

beams at me when she sees me

standing near the bar

at her work,

and things are alright