There is a body in my bed next to me
We climb into the same bed together every night
We kiss our farewells until we arise in the morning
Except I do not sleep
For I’m awake with my loneliness
No matter how close I try to get
The further away he seems
It’s like he’s there but behind a tv screen
Which changes channels on repeat
I am alone
I sit up late at night and wonder does anybody else feel the same way
Am I the only being this alien to reality and the people that live it
He is asleep
And I can’t help but question why he fills the empty side of my bed
You can’t fix what’s broken they say
And I am so damaged
I wear a cracked smile with a hollow heart
But I am so good at concealing what is truly beneath
For he doesn’t know I cry myself to sleep beside him as he is restful and at peace
When he awakes in the morning I will pretend to be asleep
To avoid the awkward communication and the small talk he tries to speak
It’s when he leaves for work I can finally clock off
Another night shift done
For now I really am alone
There’s plenty of space in my bed
So I curl up on his side
Inhale the scent lingering
Because it’s the closest to him I will ever get