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Machinations of a Maniac

(no braggadocio! modest rodomontade scored triumphantly!)

Unbeknownst to me, a generic human ape,
an unpleasant surprise       swished down like an ominous cape 
awaited and near smothered me drape 
ping that October morning, where no escape presaged via frisky black cats       chasing shadows on fire escape  crossed my path after walking under a ladder
     where ice hoar ravens didst jape!
 **********************************
Wheels of injustice applied via de fender, sans Johnny Cochran forced ee
year splitting amidst general public fee
ver rush to absorb disbelief shell shock hee
ret tickle non guilty conviction from key

ping popular culture spell bountious lee 
really exhausted viz three ring me
dee ya circus (June 1994 – October 1995) pre
vail ling obvious evidence irrelevant, thus re
deeming O.J. Simpson to strut guilt free    from emotionally charged trial. I awoke 
as usual and performed customary bespoke
oblations vis a vis half-hour plus choke
hold asphyxiation meditation, okey doke 
shuteye discipline followed daily to evoke    calm, cool, and collected trance zen dental 
bliss before motoring on with gist of gentle
lee presented vignette, though me mental
state did not shift gears into a rental

modus operandi, but only partially new 
trawl eyed , cuz the then fiancé (one mew
zing chic chick i.e. Abby Robin Zison), Jew
dish us lee spent the night       at our transitional grew

some domicile) immediately nsync to report do 
tuff lee (at the Goddard School)       raced like a Chew
Bach ha\'s Dickensian protagonist back up Badoo 
two flights of stairs. Like eponymous Aloo
 
men hum mushing spry feline woman out bitta bing
bitta bang (clanging like hells bells) ding   donging, she immediately flew back fling all four feet eleven of her harried style jing

ling in an agitated state she set foot to go bob  
bing out the door intent     (as iterated) driving to her job,  and in combination pantomime     and words crisis did lob    asper like a bot to me,       she attempted to communicate rob
bing her unsuspecting fount of thespianism     tub air gritty modicum     of rationale from putrid slob

name of Leslie (the lunatic landlady)       thine paramour conveyed clarity mouth ajar
after surmising urgent news       required automatic action to un bar driveway, where I parked car,  
the previous night surreptitiously venal far 
from rational rapscallion most definitely har
bored an axe to grind, and locked Ford Escort par
tush shinned within chain linked fence - war

fore suggestion got made       (from future bride)  to confront landlady,       and sternly insist and mildly chide corrective action taken,         yet this storyteller defied said suggestion, and brainstormed      with betrothed asthma guide
averting compromising neither of our pride   and prejudice respective, sans stevedore  managers would not let us slide gnome hatter, how we could not       escape deprecation       no matter how much we tried.   Prior to heading off to bed       the prior night, I deigned 
to express likelihood to landlord/owner       thyself and pseudo spouse needed to find    another place to live. The major reasons 
for vacating premises? Her grind 
ding cigarette no ifs, ands       or buts smoking mind
less ness ranked (on par       with chimney didst wind        burning wood smoke
at full blast) as primary source       of revulsion did provoke, and aye came across with homespun folksy 
sensitive mien, as a simple country bloke
I expressed honest sentiment at being 
extremely averse (where hacking awoke

     the future wife)       from second hand carcinogen(s)        extant within cancer sticks. Asphyxiation deafen
knit lee found me choking half to death even
putting towel under the door, or 

     additionally keeping       bedroom window wide open,
the malodorous nicotine wisps ambled - pen
     knit trait ting, wending, curly cued, 
     and filtered thru fabric with mischievous yen.

No matter, the twisting tendrils of tobacco found  their way into ole factory nasal cavity ground 
zero, sans health conscious holistic being hound  did, what constituted one deranged dame       the SPCA ought to impound.

Another factor fueling foul accommodations yin      wanna know offset fine tuned win  Dixie yang,       which odoriferous torture constituted
       nauseating odor of cat urine  and litter boxes smelt worse than sin,
cuz, they never got cleaned of feline fecal matter       near visible as a unsightly dangerous shark fin.   Upon summoning effort       and energy to communicate 
bona fide concerns, she responded       and didst denigrate   with contempt fiery madness irate  psychotic malicious venomous vile       as dead body snatcher mate and then insidious wheels         of malice with tongue flames  crackling, popping, and snapping       from out her reptilian pate      began to turn more sharply         amidst ghoulish clatter and path       of destruction on her tabula rosa slate
with more danger than       along axis of evil tete a tete.    She madly paced back and forth 
     across maligned envisioned aisle
a small patch of uncluttered space in main foyer       witnessed seething rage wherein         carpeted floor boards,       an imperfect circle shod feet didst dial
no doubt internally       plotting vengeful strategic guile.   Castigations, fulminations, and insinuations ague 
gulled out her mouth       noxious fumes left exit pronto flew ludicrous lacerations       from fiery dragon lady did spew   while yours truly soundly slept       and without incident dreamt edenic view she unwittingly trappings to annihilate  Xandu 
some personal vendetta. After I washed, dressed as a zoo 

keeper headed downstairs,       the malicious scheme she did hatch 
out back became a living reality,       an empty house doors hooked with latch
(Samir, the other occupant) left hours earlier no match  to tangle with wicked witch absented premises natch eerily echoed every footstep trod one patch, 
after another       patent leather slippers paused to scratch   an niche \'pon second landing       (to confirm a strong hunch) 
that nary a soul heard nor seen,       probably out to lunch,

no raving ranting banshee       demented drunk as punch No zombie like entity appeared from the “DO  NOT DISTURB” sign affixed       outside sleeping area, aye did scrunch  
brow to compress insight,       where mangy catatonic felines       shared coterie holograms suddenly jumped out       from virtual reality cat n\' app cradle       swishing tails shorn like cat o\' nines

mewing obscenities (within/ out       computer screen, ominous signs,
sans phantasmagoric phantom) lurking       like a lunatic swing from vines.

 Nonetheless, I continued to tread       down dimly lit said  lower level with glimmer       of optimism to bolster lead
din heavy mood crossing fingers       spare set of skeleton keys       (with cross bones and skull head)
nearly always left tantalizingly       dangling in unused door latch, twas cred
double wish, thus spirit within me soared 
and just as quickly sank to abyss of psyche moored      sensation felt like poured molten lava oh Lord
Guess what? No such luck. Oh,       she definitely would not a ford

carelessness, and took precautions okay hiding temptation to make a getaway Well…I stepped outside       to assess situation. Blimey cray zee myopic eyes forced to glean deadbolt       found gate shut tight, thence a feeble bray   escaped parched lips, when lo...vix  teased and cross myopic eyes,       no doubt played tricks
holy glory. Ah, a handsaw       carelessly got left and altered mix 
matched tool chest in plain view, a sudden fix

but prior to acting on the plan, quite do able
I made a few telephone calls 
      first telephonically cable hub rate, and firstly contacted employer         told tale more unbelievable than a fable thence to local police       in order to file complaint against       goon bonkers malicious monstrous label   
 quick as the brown fox       jumps over the lazy dog  escape attempted perilous hell grog ghee nightmare commenced after placing        phone back on cradle, whence nog 
     \'gin set fingers to twitch busily       sawing into one steel link,      (an effort aye did slog)
thru to break at one linkedin steel segment barricading trusty Ford Escort       so this fellow could hightail with pent
 up adrenaline out of nefarious       steely web and test a mint...,  
     whence surge of adrenaline  coursed from head to toe,       my heart pounded not so gent 
lee ready to burst from chest, 
     and palms perspired profusely 
with unexpected accursed of evil incarnate       vis a vis hell bent agent

provocateur ready to pounce       and deliver violent  retribution, which blows       from blunt heavy object,     would invariably render me unconscious     courtesy of cerebral rent. 
For better than worse, a kind face  of destiny smiled from countenance grace 
sing unseen karma       smiled smooth as sateen or lace upon my essence as shaking hands         furiosly moved saw handle 
     back and forth dozens of times until…
THE CHAIN BROKE AND SET ME FREE
     now fickle finger of fate       got me ought ta this place!