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Easter as interpreted by this atheist

 

though avast percentage       of Stone Temple Pilots, she push peep pulls       viz vernacular speaking population      to most pious take as gospel         every word in religious tomes       their collective soul asylum polestar,       and doth decree important doctrines       with especial accord   equal insignificance applied toward      Judeo-Christian holidays across the board thus easter tis no exception to the golden rule,       where santa claus reached an a chord
follow auspicious signs alit in the night sky       shaped like a drinking gourd perhaps amassing plentiful harvests       upon hamlets strewn         across scantily populated Earth      asper cornucopia exhibited secret hoard sharing  plentiful Horn 
     (and Hard art learned lesson) 
     to stave off barren ness, ignored   going forward seeding nascent       March Madness with help from Lord      and Tailor as midwife hoot       tended Ville Nova moored
by Wildcat fanatics, who unbelievably        espied heavens cleft asunder       and golden rays poured while collective spectators loudly screamed 

     akin to the soundgarden       of ferocious cats roared witnessed history scored
earning players knighted       with Excalibur sword
thence entire team handed       Taj Mahal shaped award 

which aforementioned ass hide lacks, cuz zit       happens tubby April Fool\'s joke thus above iterated verses somehow       needs just a little bit of relevance to yoke

thine admitted ambivalent reaction to sports,       yea aye pay figurative toke
hen to Rabbinic, generic fanatic primal       tribal village people clan destine woke   and swinging focus of this poem       back toward Religious perp ported berth when (sans antiquity) trumpet signaled       thus, any superstitions blew away dearth 

when distant shofar heard       in every home and hearth anticipating arrival of the Easter Bunny,          who brings mirth

and hop poly distributes sweet treats, 
     which children as grown adults,       no matter necessity for teeth to be removed      the sugary over indulgence wool worth        today thee American Dental Association chastises candy 
     manufacturers bandying more weight gaining deadly, debauched, and decadent, trait then adultery verboten fruit to sate  hash-tagged reprobate.