I know i am a bad person...
I feel it in my gut
Pounding in my heart....
Ive cheated in him twice...
And havent chosen the other guy
Its wrong
Cold
Cruel
And yet...
He doesnt know...
And I feel horrible
Like a monster....
But...
I honestly...
Dont know what I want....
I stay with him for one reason...
He has no one else...
Only me
I am his whole world....
I feel guilty...
Stuck....
Like...
Its my only choice....
I dont want to leave and ruin his life....
He has no friends
No family
No car
No living arrangements....
I am his everything...
His world....
I feel a giant weight on my shoulder
A responsibility I must uphold....
When in reality....
I dont know if I love him...
Being with him feels like nothing....
Empty space....
In the end....
I fear that....
I hate being alone....
And that fear of being alone....
Has turned me into this monster
This dark...
Twisted
Lying
To make him happy...
Monster....
I want everyone happy....
But I forget about me...
I have created a demon that I can no longer control
And that demon....
Is so dark
Twisted
Cold hearted....
That it cant decide how to change...
How to get better in order to achieve what it wants
I will never know....
What i want
What makes me happy...
The demon has wrapped me so tight its dark warmth...
There is no escape....
No mater how loud i scream....
There is no way out....
I have become....
The darkness