I showed you my dreams
But concealed my fears
You saw only my smile,
And never my tears.
I kept my true feelings
Hidden away,
I didn’t want to ruin
Our perfect day.
I lied to you
When I said I was alright
I wasn’t sleeping soundly
I was up all night.
I was awake worrying
Over what I don’t know
But something just didn’t sit right
in my soul.
I felt fear
I’ve never felt before
It’s like my mind
Was waging a war.
I was happy one minute
And sad the next,
Things I cared about
I began to care less and less.
These feelings consume me
They hold on tight,
I know you’re worried
but I’ve been fighting this battle
all my life.
And I won’t stop fighting
Till this war ends
But if in the process I lose my common sense.
I have questions
That would drive anyone to insanity
How can I sleep soundly
When I’m not sure of my own reality?
1/12/17