Sitting here alone with a pint in my hand
No one is coming near me I cant understand
Maybe because earlier I fell to the floor
People just do not want to know me anymore
Do not think I am abusive or really rude
Maybe at times I can be a bit crude
That is me I\'m old and I really do not care
Think I\'ll chat up that lady over there
I stagger over but she is playing darts
Just as well I let out one massive fart
Its all the beer accumulated inside of me
I am human after all as you will see
I order another pint maybe my last
Chatting up this lady will be a hard task
Looking through blurred vision I seem alright
My aim is to take this lady home with me tonight
I chance my luck stagger over for a chat
She looks from afar like I am some bog rat
I am now not too sure about all of this
Really am breaking my neck for a piss
I walk over to her like a proud man
Holding my belly in as tight as I can
I brace myself and think of a good line
\"Sit your arse down for a glass of wine\"
Looking at me with disgust and shame
she points at my trousers at the wet stain
No bladder control age is not on my side
Gone have them years where I had some pride
I walk away clutching my beer to my chest
Feeling puzzled looking at the hole in my vest
On the way to the loo I bang my head on the door
One good thing though I didn\'t fall to the floor
I blow my nose but I cannot understand
Why most of the snot is somehow over my hand
I wipe it on my trousers no one will know
Somehow its the only place it will go
My snobby lady makes her exit through the door
I do wave to her but Oops I fall to the floor
Somehow my teeth are now stuck to my shoe
Pop them back and smile what else can I do?
My wonky eye is now tired and sore
Could force myself to have one more
Than I shall be in the land of nod
Yes I know what your thinking I\'m a knob