Today I made sense of it,
You see I had been asking myself questions
Toying with ideas
With what ifs and could have beens
My mind is sometimes my worst enemy
Writing stories that never actually happened
Intricate play by plays of how it might have gone
I scream at myself
Because it happened how it happened and that’s just how it happened
The reality hurts more than the pretend play by plays.
There I can believe you loved me
I can believe that there is this majestic light that one day will shine in your mind
And you will magically turn into the man we needed you to be.
In these thoughts we were good enough,
You were strong enough,
To be the man your father failed to be.
This is why alone was uncomfortable
When my mind is not filled with things it needs to get done it focuses on you.
I still see your smile
The man that stole the breath from my lungs
1000 things could have happened to deter me from that moment
From that day
From the long line of mistakes that crushed what we could have been.
But somehow with all the possibilities and improbabilities
I was standing there.
I can’t play the rewind game anymore
And I am done chipping away at what is left of me.
I gave you everything I had
And I will never be able to re write the past
But what I can do
Is Hand you the pen and hope you change how the story ends...