I thought my identity was rooted in my life experience
I thought my failures and faults defined me as much as my successes
But the reality is that I didnt even have an idea what my true identity was yet
I thought I was a victim all my life
Thinking I’m a good person and yet bad things always flock to me
I thought I was shamed and undesirable because of the sexual abuse I endured in my childhood
Thinking I had to be a slave to multiple sex partners to be loved or desired, when none of them truly loved me
Possessed by my demon of lust
I was empty
My families financial battles and my mom downing bottles
Fighting with her because she couldn’t see her own identity
Growing up too fast I thought I had maturity
I was just really a child with extra responsibility
Then I ran as long and as hard as I could
Wild partying ensued
Finding myself in precarious situations
Still wrapped up in lustful sensations
I couldn’t be a drunk like my mom
But I needed something to mask my pain
So let’s do Lots of ecstasy
Maybe it could free me or at the very least kill me.
Now fast forward
Married with kids
I have a family
But I still have no clue who is the real me
No confidence
Low self esteem
I feel there is nothing that is worthy to redeem
Fights with my spouse
Because we don’t know who we are
Don’t know how to parent
Because my brokenness goes so far
But Jesus was faithful, patient, and kind
He came in at the exact right time
He had been waiting and watching to create an opportunity
And then he gently walked in the door of my heart like a broken house
Abandoned and empty
I would say he set up shop
But he made it his home
He gave me new desires
Hopes to hold on to
He made everything new
Colors were different everything had meaning
He had a purpose for me and he told me I was so important he couldn’t leave me
As a matter of fact he never had
He’s just a perfectly patient Dad
I would say what about this and that part of me
What about the stuff I have done
The lies I have told
And the things I have seen
He said beloved
When I died on the cross
I took all that with me
I killed all those things
You have been washed by my blood
A crimson cleansing
And now here I am
On the brink of understanding
I have a true identity
And it has nothing to do with my old personality
Thank you Jesus for fighting and warring for me
You are my savior and the best part of my new and true identity