I wonder if you shouldered the things I do if you would have the strength to stand up in the morning.
If you had seen the things I have,
Or felt the pain I carry
Would you be able to stomach a look in the mirror?
I ponder sometimes
if you know,
I mean truly know what you did to me.
The scars you left
the walls I built
Like the tower of babel made of titanium and tears.
Truth be told
I see you in my nightmares..
And you still haunt the moves I make...
I am still imprisoned by visions,
Recreations
And play by plays
Of where,
How
And why things happened.
In every desperate attempt to figure out why I never saw it coming.
Until I was picking myself up off of the floor I had never imagined the fall...
You slowly changed me,
How I thought,
How I saw things,
A rose went from a beautiful flower to a sick with thorns to Cut me.
People changed from friends to enemies waiting to kill any Part of my heart that still had the gull to beat.
I myself went from a vibrant woman to a dull grey side dish...
And you relished in my destruction.
I question how someone could hold this power over me?
How you could embed yourself like a virus attaching to every fiber that made me,
Me and killing it.
Silence consumes me. As I wipe the tears from my cheeks and realize.
You do not mean anything anymore,
To live in fear of your antics and manipulation is to only be further plagued by you...
I breathe air into my own lungs and just like that...you disappear.
I will carry the lesson of you with me
But no longer your name
Or the hold that goes with it.
I will find me...I will find freedom.
You may only torment me if I let you and I will not anymore...
I may be bruised, but never again will I be broken by you.
-B-