There’s a song , from my past, I used to listen a lot
I haven’t heard it years I must have forgot
It was boys to men ‘hard to say goodbye to yesterday’
The words make me cry now, an ear worm to stay
I don’t know why this song is back in my head
It rings through my mind while I lay down in bed
this time the words haunt me but its not about loving
Now it means goodbye to a friend or a feeling
I’m scared to say bye to this partner I’ve made
So many years been with me each night and each day
throughout all my 20’s and 30’s, a fall back partner
A friend to rely on, but always let’s you down after
I look back at memories filled with crazy and smiles....
I’m kidding my self it’s been torture and lies
happy and high all in that moment, not real joy though is it
its darkness and loathing and all that comes with it.
I feel like I’m saying goodbye to my youth
Or A part of my being, my soul, my truth
But my youth was painful and nobody new
The real me inside, then I ran, and I grew
I’ve been Running so long through woods hot and wired
I yearn for the finish to not feel sad, broken and tired
I feel like I’m grieving, I’m loosing a friend
But no real friend would leave you this way in the end
I don’t want my mate who I’ve fallen so heavy
To leave me for good just in case I’m not ready
Like a shackle thats weighing me down as I walk
I want to run free but I’m scared I can’t talk
Excuse on excuse I make for my mate
So much I’ve missed, now my life’s running late
If you were a real friend and treated me so
No way I’d forgive you, i’d of long let you go
So why have I let you destroy me so long?
What have I gained from repeatedly singing your song
What do I do to fill all that time
When I turned to my mate to numb what’s inside
How will my life be better with this ending
More money, more hols, my lover the time I’ll be spending
Why would I want the all this hate felt inside
When I can be free, courageous, untied
Finding my person that’s hidden within
Finding the patience to not sink and then swim
The feeling of sadness and total subjection
I give myself to you world with all my imperfections
You’ll love me or hate me but that’s mine to own
Old Friend won’t be with me, I’ll be alone
My heart is torn as I know it is right,
I’m tired of fighting myself every night
A million voices in my head that haunt from the past
All screaming for peace and the end to
this farce
Now to stop falling and hurting, scrapping my knees
I want peace I want calm like soft breeze through summer trees.
The contentment you feel on the beach with a sleep
The warmth that you feel causing your heart to then leap
That’s what I long for, the happy innocent
Not darkness and tears and horrid resent
Now it is time to concur this beast
To devour this monster, on joy I will feast
Yes its so hard saying bye yesterday
But I’ve done it before and tomorrow’s a better day
So gently I’ll place you down, right here on the shore,
Let the waves take you away..........I need you no more.