drea

The R word

He is a boy

A boy who would never hurt me

Or at least that’s what he said

I met him when I still wore my hair in pigtails 

When I still played with Barbie dolls 

When I still believed that people could do no wrong 

I dated him the summer before high school 

He was my first real boyfriend 

My first real heartache 

I went away for camp 

And he kissed her

I came back 

he lied 

said it was an accident 

Said he was lonely

Said I was his soul mate 

I let this slide 

But then he did it again but this time 

He did it when I was in town

He made out with her once again 

That time was the last time

Or at least that’s what I kept telling myself 

I forgave him once again 

And instead of kissing another girl

He became more and more aggressive towards me

Wanting more then just a kiss when it was time for me to go home

His hand would slip into my pants 

And I would punch and kick until he got off me 

He would say 

“God Drea you’re such a buzzkill”

I would proceed to go home 

Lock myself in my room and cry 

Cry my eyes out 

I would ask “what is wrong with me? why can’t I give my boyfriend what he’s asking for?”

Little did I know that he was asking for to much 

I mean a 13 almost fourteen year old girl wouldn’t know that 

I was still a kid 

I wasn’t ready to give a boy that much 

Especially that boy 

That boy was older

Knew better then to ask a girl, who struggled enough with accepting her body,

To give it to him 

He knew better then to force her into something she did not want

He knew better then to keeping going 

I mean you’d think it’d be a clear no 

When you’re kicking and screaming and punching

But I guess I was giving off mixed signals

I guess I was being to affectionate 

I guess I was being to cold 

I guess I was being to scared 

I guess I was overthinking

I guess it was my fault 

Right? 

It was my fault he tried to rape me.

Oops I said it.

No he didn’t rape me

He tried too.

Or in his words

He tried to show he much he loved me 

 

Comments2

  • Crystal Hope

    Wow! Just wow!

  • Claudelle DeLuna

    Great writing!
    I liked it because it is a reality that most often than not goes on between first time relationships.
    When it supposed to be a sweet discovery it can turn into a nightmare of misunderstood feelings.(not being on the same page)
    Like a young girl expecting love & respect not aggression.
    Perhaps some boys and girls for that matter, need to be taught about how to deal with love, sexuality and the overall relationship deal, I think it should begin at home with the parents.
    Blessings!



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