I've Come A Long Way

ive come a long way and every now and then i like to look back into my past.

its not like im not over my exes or my ex friends or anything..

its not like im not completely over my past..

its just that i like to visit once in a while.

is there anything wrong with that?

no theres not.

its weird how i remember specific dates.

its january 7th and then i realized if me and my ex from 10th grade yea HIM..

if him and i had never broken up it wouldve been two years.

just small things like that especially my nephews birthday...

september 29th 2016 is the day me and my ex from 9th grade actually broke up it was the beginning of 10th grade.

its crazy how i remember dates like that but ive come a long way.

im a totally different person now then when i was back then.

the reason why i have come a long way is because i have visited my past here and there and when something happens like a break up for like a month or two i think about it all the time and then i slowly look back..

its hard to explain but as time goes on i look back on my past less and less.

ive come a long way.

ive learned alot of shit from going through that shit.

and i love every chance i get to give anyone my advice and wisdom.

some of my wisdom has come from other peoples wisdom and mistakes that ive witnessed..

and some of my wisdom comes from my depression and anxiety believe it or not it does..

this is why i want to become a counselor or a mediator or just someone important to talk to and give my advice..

but most of my wisdom comes from my mistakes and experiences.

its now january 8th 2019..

i barely cry anymore but last night i got choked up and wanted to cry and i said to myself...

"just let it out"

"you barely cry anymore.."

"you deserve a break"

"youve been holding it back and keeping it in"

"youve earned the right to break down"

"youve worked so hard and nows your time to let it out"

sometimes i bottle things up and my mind doesnt tell me im stressed..

and so therefore the stress keeps bottling up and then the anxiety keeps bottling up and then..

one little pull on the trigger...

the next thing i know anxiety and depression comes shooting towards my heart...

and ruins everything ive worked so hard on...

even when this happens i have to remember...

ive come a long way...