Apprehension

I needed more information, 

Anger, helplessness, frustration

this time, I actually had a reason to feel all these emotions.

I didn’t want to believe there was something wrong with me, that I was a malfunction.

 

I didn’t want to be dependent to survive.

I wasn’t sure I could long thrive,

And even if  I did, it would be a slow torture to be near them

knowing they would never have time to return my feelings for them.

 

I didn’t hug myself and wallow in pain

I analyzed my reports but didn’t count my remaining time

It wasn’t like me to ignore the grime

I loved people. Didn’t I? Or I didn’t know myself as well as I thought I did.

 

Logic and emotion raged a battle inside my head. 

Should I let myself depend or shield myself from hurting them? 

Should I ignore my need to be near them, or give in to my longings

Even if they were fabricated by the Healing Water?

 

“Relying on others doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re human. 

You might not see it, but the people you love 

are relying on you just as much as you rely on them”

But why should I? 

But why should they?

Why?