He said He’d spit me out, dear God,
My tang is bittersweet.
My Father to whom I pray(ed) to,
But dost Thou still see me?
Stoic still in the front row pew,
‘Neath the glaring wash lights.
Uncertain in the haze today;
Tomorrow’s sin alights.
If I am the salt of the earth,
Consume me as I am.
For I falter at your ciphers–
Which claims my kind be damned!
I believe(d) thee all-embracing –
But I question your grace.
On dark nights I earnestly search
To see your holy face.
On the thin line ‘twixt Sky and Hell,
My pleas become pressing.
If I be lukewarm, spare me the fate.
For I need to know if Thou still see me!
-
Author:
Rocky Lagou (
Offline) - Published: November 7th, 2022 12:06
- Comment from author about the poem: This poem is in a stringent hymn meter except towards the end in the final stanza, which is supposed to represent the sense of despair closing in on the speaker. This poem is in its raw state. It reflects my own religious situation at the moment. This is also inspired from the verse Revelation 3:16.
- Category: Spiritual
- Views: 40
- User favorite of this poem: L. B. Mek.
Offline)
Comments7
I feel the same towards god. I have questioned my religion myself, for I have been through a lot, and god is supposed to be there for you to rely on. If needed. And I felt as if several times god forgot I existed. This is a great piece of work! 🙂
Hello, thanks so much for sharing some of your own personal experiences. I love seeing new faces pass by, so hello!! Oftentimes, I find myself at odds with divinity and get caught up in the contradictions of the Bible that I don't even know what to believe in anymore. It can get pretty messy, but I'm trying to navigate through my spiritual life the best I can. I hope we can at least have the assurance of being alive. Thanks for commenting, have a beautiful day!
Awww you are so welcome
Dearest Rocky, I do feel the despair in your words and I understand the dilemma of finding the spiritual peace we long for. Life has taught me that the trappings and rituals of religion may be comforting, but what is important is the person that resides within you. These days I find the purpose of life in everything. I look to my earth and the vastness of space, and I see all creation. How can I possibly understand what is incomprehensible. I find comfort in who I am and what I think, that has always been my right whether I realized it or not. Your beautiful soul shines forth in all that you write, and it has been my privilege to know you.
Hello dear Bella!!! Omg I'm literally dewy-eyed after reading this super sweet and sage comment. Your points are so true, and in a way I've been trying to establish that same spiritual consciousness that you clearly have rooted in place. It can get difficult, especially with the foreboding prospect of being tortured eternally in the afterlife, but I try to balance it. I do feel the way you do, and I think above all else having awareness of the life we're currently living in is pivotal, but the flipside and its mysteries are inescapable. However, like you say, "How can I possibly understand what is incomprehensible?" So I think I'll try to instill your inner "Zen" and try to equilibrate my current disarray. Regardless, your words mean more than I can express. This poem came like a bout of despair and anger all mixed together, so to see you could appreciate it is so stirring. Thanks for your wisdom, much love and peace
Hey Rocky, good write, Bellas comment says it all, take care and poet on.
Hi dear Dean! Thanks so much for dropping by, and I hope this poem didn't come across as overdone or sappy. It was a light of inspiration that I seized in the moment, so thanks abundantly for your kindness.
Hello Rocky - I think Bella is the best person to provide you with the kind of advice you need right now. Mine as an atheist and agnostic would be of absolutely no help at all.
Good luck in your search and stay healthy.
Hi Dave, this reply actually had me giggling. As a person who neither professes faith nor irreligiousness, I can relate with giving bad advice, too. I feel like I'm in a spiritual limbo at the moment, really uncertain of what to fully believe in, but I try to embrace peace whenever it alights by my side. Bella's words were truly enlightening, and I feel like no matter what we're all predestined, so at least it doesn't put the strain of "what if's?" and regretfulness. Regardless, thanks for your warm wishes and I hope all is well.
It's like spitting out a lukewarm cup of tea or coffee, when we go 'Bleeuurghh' or similar expression!
Try my poem from a while ago - Peace Possible, I think it is.
In this Revelation verse, it was to a church that had got self-satisfied and smug, believing they 'had it all' when in fact they had nothing. That may not apply to you.
Nor the saying 'True hypocrites don't really know they are such - they just go obliviously on in their hypocrisy'.
Hi Orchi, it's always a pleasure to see you drop by! Thanks for the poem, I just read it, and it really sums it up. In the Christian faith, Jesus is pretty much that entry point to eternity, and being raised in a Christian setting really makes me believe that IF any religion is "correct" or real, it would be Christianity. I mean there's just so much evidence: prophecies fulfilled, prophecies currently happening, it's literally the largest religion worldwide, and the way all the four gospels relay the same information about Jesus and his resurrection despite there being large time gaps between each one and none of the gospel writer ever knowing each other. It's all so profound, but I hope to be fully committed in one thing or the other soon enough, because "lukewarm" just ain't for me.
There's a saying, though not to base everything on it: 'Surely so many people (believers) can't be wrong?'
Hi Rocky !
I used to be in a similar place as you are, I was questioning everything about growing up Christian and I fell away into becoming Agnostic. I thought that I was at peace, but my soul was unsatisfied. We all have a deep hunger to know and love God. A friend told me about Jesus while I was not living for God, and I was very much against the religion and thought it to be manmade sexist, and hateful. I bought a bible to prove that his religion was
"wrong". When I started to read I realized the love that the Lord had for his children, and the spirit filled me with a joy, understanding, and overwhelming love I had never experienced before. If you earnestly seek God and ask him to reveal himself he will. There is truth in this, joy, peace, hope, you name it. I pray my testimony would fill you with hope. Seek the Lord: "For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.-Matthew 7:8". May the peace of the Lord be with you.
Hi dear poet, thanks so much for showing your vulnerability through this comment. I can relate so much when you mentioned being ex-agnostic. I used to label my self as such as well, but I feel it's a label that is really obscure and unaligned with my true identity. I'm in a sort of limbo state. I feel like my morals are very Christlike, but sometimes it just feels like I need that extra nudge to fully be convinced. There's just so much stigma surrounding the Bible and its interpretations, and I feel like I need to fully comprehend it all before asserting my faith. But without a doubt I believe that God is true and faithful, and your testimony is such a beautiful reminder of that fact. Have a wonderful day!
maybe in June
you should re-share this work
of searching, humility
and a snapshot of a questing
honest heart's, embattled
state, in yearning to balance
that juxtaposed fate
curated by fallible human
interpretations
segregating, faith from nature
when, in truth
none of us, can define or verify
what our deities
expect from us, in our ephemeral
lives;
indeed, all we can ever trust is that
being true to ourselves
is as close, as we will ever get
to being granted
a glimpse, beyond that existential
veil...?
'for naked: I'm clothed'
it's a harsh reality, to find
your faith as a source of alienation
from your self-worth..
stay strong!
dear emblem of youthful wisdom
stay PROUD!
(not just in June) thanks for sharing
Wow, your replies are always overflowing with wise and thought-provoking advice. Thank you so much dear poet for your appreciation of this fond poem of mine. It is a profound introspection, which as you have noted, is an attempt to catch "a glimpse beyond that existential veil." And I am really glad to see your sage interpretations, thanks abundantly.
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