My Mother in Law
As much as I love my mother in law
I so wish she’d settle down,
in another country far away
or at least in another town.
It’s the rolling pins that frighten me
and her teeth by the side of the bed,
her false leg is used as a battering ram
ands so heavy it must be lead.
When she smiles her false teeth move around
inside that cavernous mouth,
and I’m not saying that her Bra’s don’t fit any more
but her boobs have been travelling south!
The old ‘piny’ she wears she bought at a fete
in nineteen forty two,
she very rarely takes it off
and never wears anything new.
I’m terrified of her acid tongue
that cuts my conversation in half,
and to see me fall flat on my face
would really make her laugh.
As she sits in the evenings knitting barbed wire
and watching TV through a lens,
she practices yoga and karate as well
and ties a knot in herself if she bends !
The first time I heard her dulcet voice
I thought Richard Burton was reborn,
and when she raises her voice or clears her throat
she sound like the Titanic’s fog horn.
She’s always liked a drink or two
and can murder a bottle of Gin,
but when she puts her swimming costume on
she looks like a shark with a fin !
I honestly love this woman to bits
it’s a shame she’s a hundred and two,
because when she finally gets to the pearly gates
I’m sure she’ll outlive the sacred Jew.
I’ve been a bit rough on this old dear
as she’s done some good things in her life,
it was fifty years ago today
that she gave birth to my wonderful wife !
If truth be known she’s an angel of sorts
with a heart that’s made from gold,
and when God created my mother in law
he definitely broke the mould !
- Author: bernard franklin (Pseudonym) ( Offline)
- Published: September 14th, 2010 02:31
- Comment from author about the poem: Just abit of fun !!
- Category: Humor
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