Tonight ..

tonight i thought about not coming home , 
tonight i thought about how it would feel , 
to lay my head on the cold hard cement ,
and struggle to keep warm , 

Tonight ,
well i sat across the street ,
staring at what i could once call home ,
where i stood on my feet ,
but now fall to my knees ,

Tonight i thought about laying a blade to my wrist ,

so i could remember that the worlds not perfect,

that im not perfect,

Tonight i thought about tying a rope around my neck,

would anyone miss me ?

would anyone care ?

would they even notice ?

Tonight i thought about lighting up a cigarette,
maybe sip on something that someone else mixed,
then make out with a guy thats 10 years older then me , 
be the dangerous girl that everybody loves,

Tonight,
As i hold the cigarette in my hand,
lift it to my mouth ,
the match feels warm by my face ,
then i slowly breath in ,
sweet smoke fills the air, 
and goes into my lungs ,

Tonight ,
i took one more drag ,
then the cigarette tumbled to the ground,
it seemed like forever ,

tonight ,
after all that ,
i stood up ,
and walked across the street ,
went back into the place,
that was once home,

lay my head down.
and drift to sleep ,
but those thoughts still wander ,

soon these night terrors,
become pleasurable delights