Not Meant To Be

I'm filled with a grief that is so overpowering, 

that my mind does not know what to do with itself.

It's a pain beyond many others' understanding,

but our love must end.

It's attached with a numbness that renders me unable to explain how I feel;

I feel everything and nothing simultaneously. 

There are a million devastating words I want to say to you,

but I can't face putting them together because they construct the reality,

the foundation of my worst fear;

that we're not meant to be.

How badly I want you to tell me you'll change for me;

that I'm the only one for you.

To make me believe I'm as perfect as you tell me I am, 

but you can't because you'd rather have 100 pennies than a £1 coin,

and we're not meant to be.

I torture myself with wasteful thoughts of what we could have been, 

are you simply a lesson best learned the hard way?

'Meant to be'! what a ridiculous phrase.

I've lived my life so far, reassuring myself with those words,

but we are not meant to be.

You've helped me see that I choose what is mean to be.

The stars don't have it laid out for me and I'm not following a script, unaware.

Destiny once brought me great comfort,

but it's only made me cling onto you and the empty promises you gave me.

If you have to consider if I am enough for you then I am not,

and we are not to be.