The tides in,
A sun setting,
On warm sand,
With birds nesting.
No more confusion,
Just a simple heart,
For which is seen,
A work of art.
Not seen by a mind,
Only felt by the one,
Stillness in a moment,
Silenced from the sun.
The sky breaths,
With a whispering wind,
As the sun sets,
On an ocean filled with stars.
Purity in the moment,
Stillness of oneself,
A very telling story,
Of a lover and itself.
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Author:
daniel dawes (
Offline) - Published: August 23rd, 2016 00:19
- Category: Nature
- Views: 26
Offline)
Comments3
Very nice..I like it a lot
Thanks
1st verse: Try change "singing" within resting/nesting (?!)
4th verse:Try doing the same within
"stars"?!
Another Poem about Stillness.
Are you meditating?
Hi, thanks for the comment. I agree and have chosen nesting as its more in keeping with a sun setting. Not sure about the 4th verse......Ha, life's a meditation.
Daniel,
Sorry about the typos: smartphone While driving...
If I may, I would suggest to change the whole 4th verse,because you have 2 lines starting with " With" .
So, I suggest :
"The sky breaths,
With a whispering wind,
On an ocean filled with memories/dreams,
And a sun that swims"
It's your call!🌞
I have changed it but only slightly to get rid of the "with" other than that I felt a total change would change the flow. Thanks for your advice. Out of interest how old are you? I know it's bad manners to ask but.......
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