HeartfullyFallen

Skipping Rocks

One of the first times we hung out, we went to the river
I started throwing pebbles in cause I liked the sound
And I smiled
And you liked that I guess,
so you threw some too
And you started skipping rocks
And it made me think of my family vacation pass times with my brother, so I giggled
Ao you threw more,
and showed me how
And now I think back on it as
one of the first times we hung out, we went to the river and you showed me how to smile at small simple moments again

And one of the first times you kissed me, we were on the roof of a parking garage
because I like heights and I smiled
and you liked it so you said it was beautiful
pointing at the skyline, the sun already down
But looking at me
holding me
said it was beautiful
me, not the veiw
me, beautiful
And now I think back on it as
one of the first times you kissed me, we transformed into something I never thought I could be a part of
We kissed and I floated up to the stars ubove us and I finally felt that I could be okay

And the first time we had sex, we were in your car
It was my first
At a beautiful park, in the back seat
I felt safe with myself for the first time,
I felt comfortable to show that,
Everything was, okay
And now I look back on it as,
A world crashing comfortable
An emergency blanket that could hug me anywhere I needed
A person to love
And the first time we had sex, I was loved and there was no going back

And the first time you cheated was just a day or two before, only- I didn't know
At that point I had gotten off the phone with you, sad that you were sad
thinking of ways to make you feel better in the morning, cause you said you didn't want to talk
I laid comfortable in my bed, dreaming about your "I love you"s
you laid, or maybe crouched-
I dont know
With her
And now I remember it as the night I should've known you were too good to be true

And the first day time Iforgave you came before I even really knew what you did
I kept telling you to tell me you were mine
I kept making you talk about loyalty
Talking about the promise ring
You said you were mine, only mine
And that you loved me
And I believed you
and now I look back at it as a day I was too desperate to be loved as much as I loved you to care about being hurt
cause yknow- what's a little more hurting gonna do to me

And the first time I broke up with you happened when I knew I shouldn't forgive the way I did
I had not been able to remember my name the night before
But when someone tried to kiss me, I still didn't kiss them
And I knew that when you were sober you tried kissing her and she wanted you too
And when I woke up the next day and realized
me: too shit faced to know how to say no still did
whereas
you: straight headed, claiming you love me, kissed her
the break up lasted for a couple hours before I missed you too much
And now I look back on it as
the first time I got back together with you, I knew I was desperately in love you and was gonna get incredibly hurt

And the first day I spent without you, really without
actually single after the second time I broke up with you
I realized how fucked this was
How stupid I was
How even more stupid you were
And I cried
A lot
and then stopped crying and reminded myself that if I wasn't worth your love than you're not worth mine
so I let him take me to the beach
And when he started to pick up rocks, I smiled and now I remember it as a day I let go and let myself be happy

So the first time I skipped rocks, I had you behind me,
you holding me and guiding my arm
Showing me how to throw them right
I could only get 2 skips
only 2, always
And now I look back on it as the day I should've realized you'd never be satisfied with just one


And the first time I skipped rocks without you,
I was at the beach with him
And he went to go skip rocks, and I stayed back
thinking of you- and her
and the other her
And the 3rd girl- that still wasnt me
and I saw a little orange one, it looked like an ibuprofen tablet
Made me think of how much pain you've given me,
so I decided to say fuck it and fuck you
And I skipped rocks without you
I walked up to him, smiled back when he did
And I picked up a rock, and I threw it
And I counted the skips
1
2
3
And I realized
1- I wasn't the one who wasn't good enough for the other
2- was already too many chances
3- I deserve better than you gave me

And now I realize better was standing next to me throwing rocks in the water and laughing at the sound with me



To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.