My secrets

As he sleeps soundly next to me

He doesnt know.

He doesn't know that I lay awake

Drowning myself in tears because the "I love you" we exchange before bed has become less and less common.

He doesn't know that those "I love you's" are what I look for, for comfort and reason to wake up every morning.

He doesn't know that I still love him, even with every new imperfection. As a matter of fact, those imperfections make me love him even more, because thats what makes a human... Human.

But with every one of my little imperfections, I feel him drifting further away in to an abyss of disgust for me. How am I supposed to love my imperfections as a human when the man I want to spend my life with is disgusted by them? My heart hurts so bad because I know I'm losing him. The kisses feel empty. The hugs are rare. The affectionate touches are no more.

What he doesn't know is that with every night of tears, is a day of loneliness in my own mind.

What he doesn't know is that he's losing me, and honestly, I don't even think he would care.