"What Happened"

I sit here thinking and thinking,

My life is drawing board not worth mentioning,

I either loose the love so hard to find,

Drinking poison just to survive,

 

My happiness is gone to a drink or twenty,

The drugs I pumped in me still resting,

The sickness I feel day to day,

It's making hard to stand in the rain,

 

I wish I could go back in time,

A time to do it over,

How can I help my self to this 4 leaf clover,

Im drowning in my own heartache,

Making me crazy to my own mistake,

 

I love him so much it hurts,

But what is love with no home to coat,

How can anything be possible to love,

How can I make the threat that is,

 

How did I get myself so messed up,

Living in a vortex of someone Else's lies,

Trying day by day just to survive,

How to survive with no soul or feelings,

 

Is my heart really this black hole empty feeling,

Did my self destruction do this meaning,

I feed on negativity because it's all around me,

Do I leave for this dieing heart of seeing,

 

Decisions, Decisions,

What is best for me, 

But in end is giving up my happiness worth it all,

Is it worth the destroying heart break to survive,

 

What do I do with all this scrambled mess,

Oh how I don't want to be lonely rest,

I face a fear in my dense soul,

So what do I decide for my chest.