A happy Poem

A happy poem

I’m asked to write a happy poem

I’m asked to show that my life is ok

I’m asked to show the good parts

I can

But I won’t

If I write about my amazing friends

If I write about my good family

If I write about my good school who’s tried to save me

Then how do I write about how in the middle of a day I feel like Dying

Then how can I write about how my minds turned against me

Not many things have happened to me in my short life

So I guess I could write a happy poem for you

But I’d be lying to you

I’d be lying to myself

I wasn’t bullied like my mother

I was ignored because I was born

I have good people in my life

That doesn’t change how my mind says they are going to leave me

My mind's convinced me I’ve tried to end my life more times than I really have

So I can’t write a happy poem

I take medication to go to bed because my psychiatrist says it could make my issues go away

My mind goes a million miles an hour but my hands can’t keep up

I try to calm down and make it stop, but that leads to a panic attack

If I write about how I haven’t had a panic attack in months

If I write about how easy it is for me to make friends

If I write about how I’m loved by people

Then how can I write about how I feel like I’m going insane

How my mind makes up things and I feel them as if they are real

Or when anyone leaves my house I feel like a wave of relaxation has hit me at the same time a monsoon hits me

That monsoon is being alone

I don't want to be alone

Don't ask me to write a happy poem