Dear Father

It's been how long now since we last spoke/
Can you even remember the last promise you made to me/
If not let me leave you this with this note/
Cause I remember it all despite being outta my mind at the time by the drugs I intoduced with open arms to hide the pain I'd been suffering from for longer than I can remember/
Until I found myself doing anything i could to feel alright/
Needle marks covering my arms/
Attempting suicide becoming too much work when all I want to do is block out the hurt/
That's gripping at this chest so bad I'm tearing off my shirt trying to catch my breath/
Unable to ever relax except on the days I just trap myself inside my head/
Where I'm comforted by my delusions of the painful reality left behind/
Psychologically empty/
Leaving the driver seat vacant a desperate solution to the complications I could no longer control on my own/
Spending most nights praying to who ever would listen/
Hoping theyd take away the misery plaguing me mentally/
Persistently leaving me with this depression so I'm anxiously left fighting/
To keep my head above the water afraid of drowning until I'm left in a panic/
Desperately reaching for dry land where I hopefully can get a handle on myself/
While I'm constantly struggling to maintain an unstable mind/
That sometimes makes it so I cant recognize the man i face in the mirror/
Disconnecting me and leaving me wondering if I'm even real/
You told me you would get me help and If I ever wanted us to speak again I had to get treatment/
So I went an completed the program/
All I want to know is why you weren't there to congratulate me on the day I graduated/
An months later I still don't hear from you what made you no longer care about me/
Thought you promised you'd always be there your the only reason I ever drop a tear/
Missing memories I worry we're missing as the years get fewer and fewer/
I love you hope you get to hear it sooner rather then later/
I'm proud to be able to call you Father I just hope this makes it's way to you/
Love your son forever/