Wallet Weeps As Woebegone Former Mister Or Missus Snake

Listen...carefully,
and ye kin hear
the muffled (dollar us -
dolorous) sound ache
king plaintive very loosely
analogous to duck cry

of mourning, didst awake
ken to the somber news
solemnly shared by
me - Doctor Quackenbush,
sans strapping beefcake
quaking counterpart, thee

lifetime beau he mien
(rhapsodic) paramour got betake
hen to "Heaven's Gate,"
after getting bitten
by a blacksnake,
which squished, slithered, and

shimmied secretly stole
said tasty morsel without brake
king (her/his) stride,
and dug poisonous
(scorpion like) fangs
geese hilly as

one would slice cake,
which revelatory brief
anecdote mentioned cuz,
this medical professional caretake
person, (whose doppelganger
quadruples, i.e. moonlights

as an expert 1. cheesecake
maker, 2. fisherman known
far and wide (across four
compass points of the globe)
as one awesome clambake
expert, 3. seismograph specialist

predicting, where and
when an earthquake
will strike, and 4. hide
bound blithe tanner preparing
leather made goods,
particularly handsome wallets

(sewn from snake skin),
the most popular item
(possibly because, one crisp Benjamin
Franklin legally tendered
secreted within a pouch),
thus upon cutting open

(preparation for crafting bill folds)
this one well fed squamate,
lo and behold
revealed poor soul mate,
which family member
Anatidae resembled friedcake.