I'm 6 years old and I think I'm happy
my mom's tired and my dad's working
my brother shares a room with me
none of them talk to me
but I think that's just how family is
and family is a good thing, right?
so I should feel good, right?
I'm 8 years old and wondering what the perfect family is like
trying to think of that "white picket fence" kinda life
I picture a family of 4
Two kids only a couple years apart, a boy and a girl
Dad holding an axe
mom smoking a cigarette
kids who only smile at each other
protective brother
I think it's okay
I'm 12 years old and my parents get a divorce
I wonder what love is
if it's real
if there's a God and how fate works
what is a family supposed to be like
I think of other girls more
I think of boys differently
I think of life bravely
wanting to live, thinking I'm happy
I'm 13 and I come out to my grandpa
I'm 13 and I move in with my grandparents
I'm 13 and I get my first job
I start seriously self harming
wondering what life is supposed to be
and how I'm supposed to feel
I can't tell you I know what family is like but I know ive never felt love
I have my first real kiss and I can't tell you I know it felt like love but I can say it was the closest I've felt
I'm 14 and hes touching me
he's not the first to do so without warrant
and I'm sure he's not the last
I never knew what love felt like, but this is the closest I've got
I've never felt someone rock me to sleep when the nightmares come
only someone who's woke me up to use my body
and I've never felt useful
but she found a use for me 5 years ago and you're finding it now
so when he grabs the top of his pants and my hair, I don't stop him
I let him move my head the way he wants it
I don't stop him until he does something new
when he pushes more than just my head down, I start fighting
I don't know from where but I know this feeling and I know I'm not doing it again
I'm 15 and I think I'm in love
I think I know what love is and I think I know how I want to live
I think I finally know family and how to love and trust
I finally know how to use my words and I believe in a faith
and he does too
he hears my words that no one's listened to before
he said the things I thought no one would to me
I believed it, i was wrong
I'm almost 17 now
and I think I know what love is
but I don't think I'll ever feel it
I know what family is
but that won't be mine
I know what living is
but I don't think I can do it much more
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Author:
HeartfullyFallen (
Offline) - Published: December 13th, 2018 07:46
- Comment from author about the poem: So I might take this down or just change the title soon. I don't know. I kind of just really wanted to write again and post something so here you go I guess. As always, let me know what you think (:
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 22
Offline)
Comments1
Recently, I have discovered that I am in love with a man. This man is a friend of mine, and I told him how I felt. He has a girlfriend, but he didn't completely reject me. We talked about it for a while, and now things are the same as they were before, except I'm forced to live with the pain of thinking of myself as a burden. Living is tiring, especially when one does not know love. It took a long time to recover from that realization from a young age, and that I might not feel emotions again. So I understand well what this poem is about. The writing could indeed be touched up, but the message is clear. All I can say is keep moving forward. You don't know what your future holds, but if you let your life be dictated by the fear of pain, then you'll never truly know what the future holds for you. Best regards, and best of luck.
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