a mother

i cry when you shout
the reason she thinks i cry is not even what the arguments about.
she has belittled me until i’ve become an ant
i question at times why am i here, at times i think i can’t.

she has twisted my thoughts to believe i am just mischief and a problem maker
she expects to have unlimited salt from me without providing any salt in the salt shaker.
i cant focus on myself, my mind continues to become blanker.

spare me my minds misery and just beat me
let my body feel the bruising and burning and let my mind be.
i never thought the words from my mother could be the only words that hurt me
i never thought i could have this much pain that my mother couldn’t see.

i will make it through your hurtful words until i am 18 and free
you’ll always have my unconditional love and my first houses spare key
when you can barely walk and you’re old and wrinkly
my years of childhood bullying from you won’t get in the way
my heart is more golden than yours and i will always stay.

“i love you more mommy”
are my words i always knew were more true than your “sorry”