Heather Harrisson

Red, a warning, flashing light,
Run, it says, quick, take flight,
Stop this mess inside your head,
Stop the feeling of desperate dread,
Sigh and crawl back into bed,
Don't focus anymore.

And yet the warning does no good,
Nothing seems to stem the flood,
Emotions as they trickle in,
Adding to the increasing din,
Rising up from deep within,
I try to close the door.

The flashing lights are brighter now,
I try to stop, I don't know how,
I'm falling deep into the well,
Of darkness, pain, my personal Hell,
Ignoring sirens, gongs or bell,
I collapse upon the floor.

I know there's nothing I can do,
And so I give in, fall into,
The raging sea of pain and fear,
I hate that it is always near,
Ready to rip me, steal a tear,
To beat me till I'm sore.

Its dark inside, with strange noises,
The whispers of faint evil voices,
Calling me, to fall down deep,
To enter into endless sleep,
So I fall in a crumbled heap,
Begging for no more.

When emotions take their hold,
There's nobody but me to scold,
I saw the lights and heard the gong,
I knew to let it in was wrong,
And yet the former me is gone,
Its too much to endure.

This happens more than I want,
The demons of my past do haunt,
And drag me in, without a care,
Usually pulling me by my hair,
I kick and scream and yell "no fair!",
But they are ruled by no law.

Its hard to show how it feels,
To live inside a world so real,
Which is invisible to all,
And sets me up to take a fall,
And doesn't let me help to call,
I don't know the reason for.

It hurts to live each passing day,
Never knowing what to say,
Hoping nothing triggers me,
To spiralling infinity,
Where happiness cannot be,
Without first waging war.

So now and then, I let it happen,
Falling down into the cavern,
Ignoring warnings all the time,
Filling the hole to help it find,
The despair it needs to bind,
My soul into its core.

And then I crawl my way back out,
To the surface with a shout,
Continuing with normal life,
Pretending I don't feel the strife,
Or pain run through me like a knife,
As I rebuild the sanity I tore.

  • Author: Heather Harrisson (Offline Offline)
  • Published: January 1st, 2019 16:42
  • Comment from author about the poem: I've been away for a while without WiFi, hence no updates, but while I was away I suffered another annoying and pretty bad panic attack. So I've pulled this old poem of mine out of my files to show to you guys in a hope to give a little insight to those who have never experienced a panic attack, and also to help those who have experienced attacks like this to see they aren't completely alone. Love to you all, From Heather
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 44
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