human

i can’t let myself become this
frozen and enraged
discontent and proud
how to ugly to be yet so dangerously tempting
to have an endgame in first and heart so empty
this must be what they speak of when they mention the beast, the devil
drawn to such disgust
the disguise is so lavish
this is what it means to be human isn’t it
pulled by attraction and the quickest satisfaction
fuck i wish i could apologize
i’ve already done so much harm but
oh this is life
oh this normal
oh this is sin
you can’t be fooled you know this is wrong
you can’t keep lying you’ll be in too deep
always thinking and  thinking how to get out of this hole
teach me, show me, bless me, forgive me
tired of being tired
tired of dirt