Lamenting Life Lost Before...

Last Rays Of Flickr Ring Candlelight

Approximately a dozen
orbitz around the Earth
(since mcmlix), the year
of my birth, an aversion
(stayin alive) constricted self worth

gripped (strong as strangling
choke hold), where
even to this day
(January 25th, 2019)
lx anniversaries marking birth

emotions of ambivalence directed at me,
and family of origin still career,
within psyche of Matthew Scott Harris -
less plain as day when prominent dearth
of attentiveness, compassion, empathy,

et cetera totally absent
without leave, and dear
father, (who art not thou in heaven yet)
nsync with mother (long deceased)
vividly evinced sole son lack of mirth

(matter of fact gamut
of all feelings except despair)
vociferously ejaculated, viz non verbal
communication as if...spark of life
extinguished within mine shuttered hearth

lacking necessity to eat plus,
attend to personal care
spelled disaster (even impossible
for FEMA to aright)
psychological illness offshoots infected,

this entire body, asper blight
dulling that preschool boy with
his demeanor cheerily bright,
a pallor of gloominess enshrouded this lad
blocking, crushing, destroying... daylight

additionally quashing will power to fight
off thee mailer daemon, a deadly parasite
lodged evil doppelganger fought 
tooth and nail being ostracized
throve to truncate more'n foresight,

considerably less self actualized versus
present pained realization, plus violent bent
evidenced by self starved
inflicted suicide, not gunfight
since parents opposed firearms,

anyway no matter, cuz height
of determination to perish (albeit
passive) exhibited pathetic might
effortlessly overwhelmed, since
corporeal defeated essence i.e. emaciated flesh light
as a feather defeated thru thine dada

decreed diktat, and
maternal instinctual millwright
both sets of chromosomes helping beget,
asper this scribe learning
late less a frayed
gripping ropes to play right.