hpoetry

my raft

I gathered sticks and string, 

tied new knots and tightened 

well; loose ends can raise a 

tragic demise in the 

water if you don’t take 

care. I picked up every 

thing I needed from the 

woods, most of it I found 

on the forest floor or

beneath the twine that lay 

by the roots of each tree, 

and built myself a raft. 

 

I took to the water, 

raft in hand, holding it 

carefully for fear of 

breaking such a fragile 

thing. I didn’t want to 

have to let go, I was 

reluctant to put it 

in the water, to lose 

it; I loved it and I 

almost went home. But I 

stayed, sat by the water, 

and let go of my raft. 

 

Floating on a placid 

lake, my raft looked strong, bold, 

majestic. Swan under 

sun. I pushed it further 

out, almost out of reach, 

an arms’ length away. I 

wanted to pull it back, 

to keep it close but I 

was brave and jumped on, held 

on for the life of me 

and it. I sat, paddled, 

and floated away on my raft. 

 

 

A million planets 

above me, countless and 

pure. I would never know

what is up there. Next to 

me, a rocky cliff face 

and ghosts calling for me 

to see them. So as they 

ordered, I opened my 

eyes wide and saw it all. 

I was blind and crashed, broke. 

My raft was in pieces, 

collapsed, you beside me, 

 

and I fell. 

Comments1

  • MendedFences27

    As I see this analogy: The raft (your heart) you have spent time and labor building (friendship, a connection) is finally finished to the best of your ability, and you decide to chance more (Love?, romance?) thus you dare to launch into the river (Life) . It's a rocky and rapid-filled , dangerous river. You paddle and course downstream until you crash. Is this the end of the romance? No, the one of your interest has rescued you. The raft is gone because you have fallen in Love. Quite a ride. - You have writing ability, particularly in story telling. Your poetry is the the use of metaphor, but perhaps could be stronger. You keep to the thrust of the poem (one idea) which is good, because poetry does not wander into other things. Overall - Keep on writing. You have talent. - Phil A.

    • hpoetry

      That's exactly what I was aiming for, and so well- described on your part! Thanks for the advice and it's so lovely to hear kind things as well as a bit of advice, I will keep it in mind. Thank you! -Hannah



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