I gathered sticks and string,
tied new knots and tightened
well; loose ends can raise a
tragic demise in the
water if you don’t take
care. I picked up every
thing I needed from the
woods, most of it I found
on the forest floor or
beneath the twine that lay
by the roots of each tree,
and built myself a raft.
I took to the water,
raft in hand, holding it
carefully for fear of
breaking such a fragile
thing. I didn’t want to
have to let go, I was
reluctant to put it
in the water, to lose
it; I loved it and I
almost went home. But I
stayed, sat by the water,
and let go of my raft.
Floating on a placid
lake, my raft looked strong, bold,
majestic. Swan under
sun. I pushed it further
out, almost out of reach,
an arms’ length away. I
wanted to pull it back,
to keep it close but I
was brave and jumped on, held
on for the life of me
and it. I sat, paddled,
and floated away on my raft.
A million planets
above me, countless and
pure. I would never know
what is up there. Next to
me, a rocky cliff face
and ghosts calling for me
to see them. So as they
ordered, I opened my
eyes wide and saw it all.
I was blind and crashed, broke.
My raft was in pieces,
collapsed, you beside me,
and I fell.
-
Author:
hannah (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: January 29th, 2019 11:36
- Comment from author about the poem: Taking a chance may be difficult but it is always worth it; the truth is that however much you may lose, you will always gain something as well. The raft may be lost, but the speaker is not alone.
- Category: Love
- Views: 49
Offline)
Comments1
As I see this analogy: The raft (your heart) you have spent time and labor building (friendship, a connection) is finally finished to the best of your ability, and you decide to chance more (Love?, romance?) thus you dare to launch into the river (Life) . It's a rocky and rapid-filled , dangerous river. You paddle and course downstream until you crash. Is this the end of the romance? No, the one of your interest has rescued you. The raft is gone because you have fallen in Love. Quite a ride. - You have writing ability, particularly in story telling. Your poetry is the the use of metaphor, but perhaps could be stronger. You keep to the thrust of the poem (one idea) which is good, because poetry does not wander into other things. Overall - Keep on writing. You have talent. - Phil A.
That's exactly what I was aiming for, and so well- described on your part! Thanks for the advice and it's so lovely to hear kind things as well as a bit of advice, I will keep it in mind. Thank you! -Hannah
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