Mental Wars

Say something
To help me save myself
Because im falling down
a never-ending well.
I can see the light
But feel too far to reach for it
Im stuck in just "falling"
yet so desperately im needing it.
It's like my body and words
are trying to get up and fight it off
My mind can be my enemy
because It's just had enough.
"Just do something" "Oh shush you're okay"
they tell me as if they never had trouble in their life
Changing the subjects so quickly and so differently
As if im not even alive.
I guess my mind is on lockdown
I know i just need to be able to feel
But the moment i shed a tear
The emotions turn back off as if me just crying 
wasn't real.
I want to dig deeper
To see what's destroying me the most
But my mind is so mentally exhausted
It's like I'm just living as a ghost.
The deep cry of my heart is reaching out for something for somebody out there
but it seems like i attract the wrong things
right when i then feel like im standing up
The thing i attracted pushes me back down and leaves.
Why do i put myself in certain situations?
Why do i feel like im just "living"?
i know im hard on myself and im just another human
but this? This is an emotional and mental beating.
I know that eventually i will stand back up
And put back on my crown
as if i wasn't held down and pushed to the ground 
And being stripped away of who i truly am
because deep down im still living in there
"What's lost can sometimes be found"
I hope it's true what i hear.