Miscarriage

We were 6 weeks when we found out I was pregnant

Bent over the pregnancy test we stared in awe

Put our hands on my belly and told our baby we loved them

So you can imagine the devastation when I began bleeding at 7 weeks

The ultra sound only measured at six week

I told myself the doctors were right

That my baby was okay

So when they checked for a heartbeat at week 9 and none was found 

My world crashed around me

When the crying wouldn’t stop

I went to a psychiatric hospital

When I passed the first bit of tissue

I lost all hope that my baby was still there

My baby’s home was rejecting them

My womb became a grave

The tomb stone rests in the hospital toilet

And I am so

Sad

It’s hard to get up in the morning

Some nights I don’t even sleep

I had to call my friend 

So they could tell me to put socks on

My husband has to remind me to take showers

At least one person a day asks if I’ve eaten

And the answer is not always yes

I’m so consumed by it

That even in my dreams 

I find myself repeating that my baby is gone

And I don’t know how to cope

But my husband 

He lifts me up everyday

Lets me talk and cry 

Undresses me and draws me a bath when I can’t bring myself to do it

He is my guardian angel

With out him I could not do this

But with him I feel stronger