LittleGift

The Shackles of Grief

I am bound by shackles that cut into my feet 

I wish I could just let go 

But I am chained to this wall 

Unable to speak 

Too heavy is my heart 

I feel the sadness rise 

As I search for a spark 

to inspire my imagination 

Release me from my prison 

Ever since grief walked through my door 

I have been on a mission 

 

Some days the chains grant me some slack 

I can move more freely 

Yet still I am aware that they hold me back 

Faces of so many lost 

I think how your bodies have turned to dust 

 

Time 

Give it time 

 

But time doesn’t always numb my pain 

For some I relive the moments again and again 

Racing my heart into my throat 

Hands shaking 

I cannot breath 

I wish this nightmare would just leave 

 

My anxiety will hit me in my sleep, 

Waking in agony, all I can do is weep 

Body tense 

Chest pounds 

Who knew grief could be such a hound 

 

Phone rings, I can’t even answer its call 

I am paralysed unable to function at all 

just the sound of it ringing fills me with dread

And I battle with myself in my head

 

Confidence shattered 

I hide myself away 

The world is unbearable for me today

Comments10

  • sylviasearcher

    Hope writing it out is helping your healing. I have not had the same grief experiences but I can relate to how crippling anxiety can be.

    I like how there is such a validation and acceptance in your poem which does not minimise the feeling but knows it is transient. It read like you are a survivor 🌈

    • LittleGift

      Hope I am Sylvia, I know you understand how crippling anxiety can be. I do well most days compared to how I was. But sometimes my dreams haunt me and I wake to a bad day ahead.
      Thank you for your lovely words and for reading my poem x

    • Joe Dawson

      You are a very brave girl if I may say so and I am sure things will get better with time. Very well expressed. Joe

      • LittleGift

        Thanks Joe, I never feel brave, but I do hope for a brighter future. My son is a blessing for sure and keeps me going

        Thanks for reading

      • orchidee

        A fine write LG.

        • LittleGift

          Thanks Orchidee, glad you liked it

        • Diamond

          My humble suggestion: Do not identify yourself with the medical terminology. It is as natural for a person to have to survive inundating emotions and existential crisis upon having to first handedly deal with a loved one's death. If you identify yourself with such conditions, you tend to evaluate your present experiences on those lines and it helps you NOT. Death is the ultimate Truth of life and bitterest sorrow overcome but all of us will have to confront that situation at some point or the other.

          What I wrote to you above is sincere, what you take from it is up to you. Either way much Love ❤️

          • LittleGift

            Thank you Diamond, your words I know come from kindness and a want to help. I spent a year believing I was going through the grief process, that eventually things would ease. But I wasn’t just dealing with the emotional loss grief brings when a love one passes. I was dealing with the image of death. Two in particular. Finding my fiancé in a state I shall not describe and seeing my father in another disturbing way had left me with night terrors and an inability to move past. I have lost a number of loved ones. Seen them in the chapel of rest or in a hospice bed. But none of that compared to what I saw and had to deal with on my own at that time. I do much better most days now than I ever did. I meditate and try my best to keep moving forward. I hope you are right Diamond, I certainly will read your comment whenever I feel my self slipping. Thank you for your kindness ❤️

            • Diamond

              Always. Be well!

            • Fay Slimm

              Such honesty in this write LG - - hoping as time goes on you will be able to bring added healing into your experience of anxiety my friend.

              • LittleGift

                Thank you Fay, I hope so too. Thanks for your kind words of support x

              • Neville

                This is a very important self disclosive poem in which you use the medium of written word to explain and express yourself... you are a very good writer and I feel certain that others will benefit from reading you today and realising that they are no on their own... For what it is worth my friend, I have spent many years working with people suffering from PTSD and with my hand firmly on my heart can say that I have never met a single sufferer who has not benefited from appropriately and individually tailored interventions and support.... and much like my reviewing predecessor Sylvia.. I too sense that you are a survivor... N x

                • LittleGift

                  Nev, thanks for the support. I wouldn’t of gotten so far had I not got some help. People like yourself change lives. I slipped today and found myself struggling to keep my head above the water. Thank you for your kind words. Am trying to stay a survivor and hope I can one day climb completely out of this hole I keep finding myself in

                  • Neville

                    Because ya worth it... I reckon you will eventually break free of that hole, yep.. I am pretty sure of that...

                    AGT's N

                  • Michael Edwards

                    I don't suffer from anxiety myself but I have personal experience of it from loved ones who do suffer so my heart goes out to you.This is a powerful write from someone who, as others have said, I know is a survivor.

                    • LittleGift

                      Thanks Michael the support from all of you is so greatly received. I am sorry you have had to watch love ones struggle with this. Thanks for reading today and for your kind words

                    • Nicholas Browning

                      Forgive me for not being aware of what tragedy you've been through. I might know if I was more attentive to this community and it's people. I've been in and out for a while, so I'm a bit out of the loop I'm afraid. That's alright though, there's no need to explain it. Just know that I apologize for not being able to say any proper words to you regarding this except these: I never knew I suffered from anxiety until about a year ago. I don't like to call it that, but of course what you call it doesn't change what it does. Have faith in yourself, and the people that have faith in you. Life moves on, and you have to move with it - through all of the punches. Best regards to you.

                      • LittleGift

                        Hello Nicholas, many thanks for reading my poem. Please never feel you need to apologise to me. I myself have been in and out of MPS of late. Like you I didn’t realise for a good year that what I was suffering from was more than just grief. Poetry helps a lot so definitely keep writing. I haven’t mentioned everything on here but some bits I have. I will have to look at your work. I am sorry you have been struggling and hope writing is helping you as much as it is me. There are so many good people here, writing and supporting others. I hope you find that same feeling of support. Time helps but it takes some active healing to really bring that change I find. Currently my head is feeling a bit overloaded but I will get through. I always do. You sound clued up which is good. Let’s hope we both settle our minds and bodies and get a better grip on life again. Sending you a hug

                        LG

                        • Nicholas Browning

                          A better grip on life is something I can get behind. We should sign a petition. Haha, anyways, thank you for the reply. As you said, there is no need to apologize to me. If both of us are apologetic then who's doing the forgiving? Just a small joke. Yes, there are many wondrous people on this website. Some of which I would like to get to know a little better than I do now, but of course that's not going to happen without mutual interest. So, onward I push, and forward I glide. Here's to a good community.

                        • 2 more comments

                        • Goldfinch60

                          Such a strong compelling write LG, I wish I could help but all I can do is give you my support and best wishes, but I can listen as well.
                          I am sure that you know as I do that writing words can help and you can get lost within them which always helps even if only for a short time.
                          Stay strong - which I am sure that you will.

                          Andy

                          • LittleGift

                            Thank you Andy for your lovely words of support. Writing definitely helps as it can become overwhelming. I hope you both have a better day today and sending love to you both x

                          • tepo

                            Painful read
                            This makes you
                            Doesn't break you
                            We all need a day off from this world from time to time
                            Your strength is inspiring

                            • LittleGift

                              Thanks tepo, yesterday was a very hard day. I feel a bit better today and I hope to be climbing out of the dreaded pit as soon as possible. I don’t like it down here but somehow I keep ending up in it. Thanks for your kind words of support and taking time to read my poem



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