for my father

i don't hate you, but i don't exactly love you either. before any other man could ever break my heart, you did first. because of you i hate myself even more now. i didn't think that was possible. on the days where i don't feel good about myself i remember what you told me & feel worse. now self love is a skill i'll never posses. it's a goal i won't set for myself because you've made it impossible for me to achieve. not too long ago i used to wish you would die. i harbored a lot of hatred towards you. i try my best everyday to forgive you even though you never told me sorry. all you've done was talk about how i hurt your feelings. but you hurt mine first. i don't care to have a relationship with you. i don't even want to breathe the same air as you. i want you out of my life completely & i want to pretend you don't exist. you're a terrible father & no one should have to go through the pain of being your child. it's funny because i would never be able to tell you any of this in person. all i would be able to offer you are angry tears. but all in all, i do wish you the best. i hope one day a miracle would happen & you would get your life together. but if your own daughter being born didn't inspire you to, i don't think anything will.