Depression

The tears you cry when no one is watching.
The pain you feel in your head is so crushing.
The feelings you feel when your soul is disgusting.
All these thoughts I wish weren't real,
I wish I could just think about nothing.

I want to tell the people I love just how I feel.
I just can't because then the feelings will become even more real.
I just can't deal.
Life is a struggle,
I wish I could end it all now but then to the devil it's a deal.
I would leave behind the one's most important.
I would not forgive myself,
yet my inner me is a secret informant.
An informant on a mission,
trying to train my brain to submission.
Telling me stop thinking such shit,
telling me to get out of the dark, dusty pit where I lay my hair.
Life is not fair.
I just can't leave this world yet,
as my family are just sitting there...

So I will carry on everyday and live life like normal.
No one will know how I would hate to be immortal.
Who would want to live forever?
No, not me, not ever.
One day is hard enough,
watching the time go by as I make little cuts.
Craving anything that will take this pain away.
Unfortunately all you can really do is live each day,
by day.