Mad depressed
Mad dog 20/20
Pretentious playwrite
A bleak outlook
A frugal fist
A plump vein
A lovely artery
A wordly view
A shameful reminisce
A tinted & golden & rouged spyglass looking through.
A sullen frown
Another brain cell breaking down
Grease stained glass
Lube up that ass!
A feverish fit of fervent desire
A smudged hot cheek slapped by a big hand
That could feed you or bind you
A roll in the hay I'm about to put a match to.
Its all just needles and haystacks to you
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Author:
daisybelle (
Offline) - Published: April 6th, 2019 14:13
- Comment from author about the poem: I've written on and off for years, some are dreadful and some I think are okey. I am not seeking validation (Or am I?), I would like some advice and guidance. Lots of luv
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 15
Offline)
Comments2
WELCOME DAISYBELLE ~ Thanks for your first Poem. It is interesting in both its form & content. Nineteen lines of free verse (unrhymed) nice shape because you have centered it also (because of the length of the lines) it has rhythm ~ which makes it readable and (in the right circles) recitable ~ it is a POEM. To me it seems to be about a somewhat chaotic relationship !
I like the style in which it is written ~ continuous lines (no verses) of free verse Poetry ~ centered to give it shape. I would have liked the Subject of the Poem (what it is about !) to have been less obscure ~ but perhaps this was intentional ? More poems Please !
Yours BRIAN (UK) ~ ANGELA is on Work Exchange in NEW ZEALAND.
Please check our site. MPS works by Reading & Commenting ~
on each others Poems ~ I share this site with my Fiancee ~ ANGELA.
Hello new friends, yes indeed it was about an intense and destructive relationship. I tend to lean towards dark humour also when I write. Thank you for such nice feedback, I'll think of a title and edit it 🙂
To freely express, that's what poetry is all about.
Mostly on love (ANGELA & BRIAN).
Keep writing
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