🌪💔RIGHT NOW

I Never Once Thought I’d See Myself Like This,

Sitting Here Alone Praying And Wishing I Didn’t Exist.

I Was So Sure That My Life Was Finally About To Change,

Now I Know Im Only Meant To Fight These Battles With My Brain.

I Try To Be Productive, Then Lose Focus On The Weekends,

Bottles And Doing Drugs, Fuck Man When Will These Routines End?

Why Do I Have To Be This Way?

Why Do These Thoughts Convince Me That I’ll Never Be Okay?

I Thought My Life Would Be Easier Once My Family Knew What Was Wrong,

But Here I Am Still Feeling Alone Wondering Where The Fuck Do I Belong!?

I Feel Lost, I Feel Trapped,

Feel Like My Mind Is Under Attack,

Sometimes I Thank God For My Life, Other Times I’m Like “Here You Can Have It Back!”

I Fucking Suck At Being Social, My Anxiety Has Gotten Worse,

Not Once Have I Ever Been Truly Happy I’m Starting To Believe That I’m Fuckin’ Cursed!

Since When Have I Been So Scared To Look People In The Eyes?

Now Whenever I Talk About Something, Everyone Thinks I’m Just Full Of Lies.

I Know What They’re Saying,

And I Know Why They’re Praying,

How Sad That My Family Only Thinks I’m Complaining.

I Will Never Let The Fuckin Devil Control Me,

But Sometimes I Wish I Had Someone To Hold Me,

It All Started When My Father Disowned Me,

Then Feeling Abandoned By My One And Only.

The One Who Understood Me Is Gone And I Admit That I Miss Her,

I Loved Her More Than Anyone But I Still Couldn’t Convince Her.

I Lost Her For Good, I Know That I’ll Never Get Her Back,

It Took Me 10 Years To Finally Let Her Go Couldn’t Handle Another Heart Attack.

Im Losing Weight ‘Cause Of My Depression, And I Know It’s Starting To Show,

These Voices In My Head Keep Saying I Shoulda Pulled The Trigger A Long Time Ago.

3 Suicide Attempts.. And They Fucking Still Haunt Me,

With No One Around To Love Me And Possibly Stop Me,

I Kept telling Myself “Just Fucking Do It!, Not Even My Own Dad Wants Me.”

I Don’t Understand Why The Hell He Has To Hide Me, 

He Does All These Fun Things With His New Family But Why Cant He Ever Invite Me?

He’s Always Put Me Through Pain Ever Since I Was Thirteen,

But Nothing Hurts More Than Him Inviting Me Over On Days He Knows I Wont Be Seen.

Late At Night I Hear Mama Crying, I Know That I’m Causing Her Pain,

I Hate Putting Her Through This,

And Giving Her Stupid Excuses,

I Know From Now On She Wont See Me The Same!

The Only Questions I Have For God Are Who Am I? Or What Am I Here For?

He Tells Me It’s My Writing But These Answers, I Think I Need More.

I’m Trying So Hard Not To Cry Right Now,

I Should Be Married, And Sharing My Life By Now.

But Who Can Love Someone Who’s Lost Right Now?

Who’s Greatest Fucking Wish Is To Die Right Now!