Being the Sibling

Cali Kittana

They say it's hard to be the parent of someone with Autism

But no one thinks about the siblings

The abuse, the lack of attention, the constant distance

We raise ourselves for the most part


Being the sibling can be just as tough

As the youngest of two, being "normal" was different

I had less outbursts, I wasn't so fussy

That doesn't mean I needed less attention


I was left to my own accord more often than not

Constantly left to learn things on my own

My achievements going unnoticed

All attention went towards his bad behaviour


Pretending was my only option as a child

Nothing was wrong, everything was just fine

Despite the cops in the yard and another broken window

It was a hard, yet necessary facade to keep


The abuse was hard but normal

Lack of attention from one parent, another too protective

The sibling, her son, was the worst of them all

Theft, violence, sexual assault, bruises, lost teeth


Thinking back now, no one ever really knew

He knew enough to not leave too noticeable bruises

Lost teeth was normal at my age

Mental scars can't be seen by the naked eye


How often lies were told is astounding

Despite how obvious it was, they believed him

My crying and screaming got me nowhere

He was the golden child because of his problems


My hatred only thrives from all of this

Why have me when you couldn't handle him

You ignored all the abuse he was dealing

And yet got mad at those who punished him


His theft and lies are getting worse with age

He's selling stolen items, breaking the law

Claiming things never happened after being caught

Constantly stealing other people's food in the middle of the night


You still never punish him, despite all this

Selling my stolen property got him a slap on the wrist

Constantly stealing food I bought myself gets nothing

How are you supposed to leash him when he does things?


I'm not allowed to leave the house with anyone

Unless you know them or they meet you in person

Yet he can go out and about with whomever

He leaves without telling anybody where or why


This bad parenting leaves me self loathing

It makes me actually hate being the normal child

Having a regularly functioning brain

It makes me sick to my stomach, this pointless envy


You weren't happy unless I was better than him

When I was failing due to depression, you screamed

If I cried or gained weight, you only lectured me for it

Yet he's getting fat and all you do is complain to me


He constantly abuses the animals, as well

Shoves the cats against the floor and drags them

Holds them against their will so they cry in pain

Yet I discipline one for being on the table and get scolded


The court ordered you to never leave him home alone with me

Yet it's all you ever seem to do

You don't obey the court since I hit 18

You don't care if he hurts me or kills me, do you?


Hearing his threats barely even offends you

He threatens constant violence and death

You do nothing about it, just let him be

I don't care if it's his mental health, he deserves punishment


I can't bear being at home because of him

You wonder why I want to leave the state

Why I always want to be everywhere but here

I can't mentally stay at home with that monster


A friend has a sibling who has the same form

He seems much more normal despite his Autism

They have the same branch, yet he's much nicer

He was scolded as a kid when he did something wrong


Claiming we'll get closer as we're older is a joke

The older we get, the farther I become

I want nothing to do with him, never have

Yet you keep trying to force it, driving me away


If I have any dirty dishes, I get a tongue lashing

Yet his room is full of wrappers and empty soda cans

Where's his punishment, why not treat us equally

Force him to clean his own messes up for once


The noise at night is hard to handle

You claim to unplug the Internet, but never do

How is anyone supposed to sleep when he's loud

You're a heavy sleeper, you don't care that I'm light


  • Author: Cali Kittana (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: April 29th, 2019 18:50
  • Comment from author about the poem: Sorry if this poem seems a bit clustered, it's more of a spill of emotions rather than a real piece. I wanted to get it out for Autism Awareness Month to show it's not all sunshine and puzzle pieces. It's a dark side of abuse and violence. I'm not sure if it seems done to me or not, but it's what I could get out before it got too hard to write.
  • Category: Unclassified
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