This is the first ‘poem’ I have ever wrote. I’m not sure if it can even be classed as that but weirdly enough it was my feelings in the moment and actually helped me to concentrate on something instead of these weird thoughts I had in my head at the time. So here it is
Windscreen
Driving alone at 11 at night filling the silence on the roads and the emptiness inside with sad music.
it slowly eating away at me until I don’t know if it’s rain on the windscreen or tears in my eyes, wondering why I’m sad because my friends didn’t invite me on a drive.
my brain telling me I’m not good enough to be there and I’m better off dead.
smoking a cigarette to feel something inside; inhaling slowly so it fills my lungs, killing myself with smoke because I can’t be depressed because my brother is.
It’s just rain on my windscreen there’s no tears left to cry.
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Author:
whodis (
Offline) - Published: April 30th, 2019 13:34
- Category: Sad
- Views: 19
Offline)
Comments3
WELCOME *WHODIS* (great penname !) ~ Thanks for your first Poem ! It is great poem because its straight from yiour heart & experience ! I love the content and theme because its about the lonliness and depression we all feel from time to time so we can empathise ! The structure (form) needs to be modified ~ OK to make it look neater on the page ! Line 1 3 5 are OK but Lines 2 & 4 need ti be split in half ~ OK Line 2 needs to be slit between eyes & wondering (to make a new line 3) and line 4 needs to be split between lungs & killing (to make a new line 6) Your line 3 then becomes ~ NEW LINE 4 ~ and your line 5 then becomes ~ NEW LINE 7 ~ Hope that is clear ! It helps if a POEM ~ Looks like a POEM. It doesnt have to RHYME but it helps if it SCANS ~ Lines of a similar length !
Your FRIEND on MPS ~ BRIAN
I share my site with my Fiancee Angela
Please check our POEMS ~ Thanks BRIAN & ANGELA
This was a fantastic piece.
You express yourself clearly and tell a story whilst letting us into your feelings. The whole contained within a drive home in the rain is like a perfect stage.
Keep writing because this is brill and I'd like to see more from you.
This is concise, just the right length and detail to convey your sadness.
HUGE welcome to MPS. Take a look around and please please please leave comments on other peoples poetry on here.
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