Not That Type

You’re not that type of person

That’s OK

Now get over it

I tell myself every day

 

Don’t worry, be happy

 

Damn; if I say that, you can slap me right here

 

Chuck said that

 

It’s the little knowledge I have that makes it harder

Being wise is knowing we know nothing

 

Shit

 

I’m a way off that

Thinking I shoulda woulda coulda is what upsets me

Thinking there’s something better that I could be

No satisfaction in what I am, what I do

But is belief in my own inability actually true?

 

It probably is

But that’s OK

That’s what I tell myself every day

 

A little reminder to just stay calm

Don’t get upset

Don’t stress, don’t worry about the mess

I perceive my life to be

 

I go through spells, that low level hell

Convinced there’s a higher path I should be on

Concerned about how much of my life has already gone

And what has been achieved?

 

More than some, that’s for fucking sure

Those I envy

Those who know no better

Happy, content are they?

Satisfied even that they’re still breathing

 

More I covet the “success” of those that do

Make a million, win a race

Better, find their place

 

Some of them end up depressed none the less

What I think I want still not enough for those cunts

 

They can’t help it and neither can I

Who, what, when, where and maybe how

Just don’t fucking matter now

 

When I’m in that deep despair

Caused by nothing and everything

 

I want so much to fill my time

With that worthy cause

That noble quest

The one I can’t think up

Can’t find in my not entirely functioning mind

 

It’s the bats again

Chaos in their cave

Like Bruce with a broken arm

I can’t catch one

 

Just one, that’s all I need

From the murmuration of ideas unpredictability swirling in my head

Never going to catch one

Moving so fast and randomly I can’t even tell what they might be

 

I bet they’re fucking great though

 

If I ever get hold of one I’m set

Living my best life yet

 

Until I learn to spring that trap

I’m in a different one

 

Caught between them who can and do

And them who can’t but don’t care

Happy sitting in their underwear

 

Creators and consumers

Should have thought of that sooner

 

But what can I create?

That people won’t just hate

 

A legacy, a mark

My gift to the world

 

Ha!

 

Who do I think I am?

 

And here we go again

 

Lost

Scared

Aware

That no matter what I achieve or become

It most likely will never be right for me

Not enough to just be proud

Feel I stand out from the crowd

 

I’m not that type of person

But that’s OK

I continue to tell myself every single fucking day