Not trans enough

I’m not trans enough, I don’t get mad when people misgender me.

I don’t voice my complaints at my dead name.

I don’t own a binder, And I really love doing my makeup sometimes. 

I was born a girl, but I’m not a boy 

So I’m not trans enough. 

It doesn’t matter if my pronouns are he/they; 

Because I’m not a boy 

And only boys use he.

And me even considering altering my body Is me wasting trans resources.

You know. 

For the real trans people, 

Not the trans trenders like me. 

That’s what they like to call me.

I’m not a binary trans person,

I’m just looking for attention,

And I’m too young to know, It’s just a phase, 

And sometimes cis people feel this way too, Etc etc etc. 

Meanwhile I’m falling into the depths of an ocean of bathrooms and assigned seats and writing my “name” on my tests and “Just correct me” and I just can’t feel normal because no one can see who I am, but they feel like they're an expert and they think they understand because they’ve felt like a boy once too. 

Because a young white “Girl” 

Isn’t trans If “She” isn’t a boy. 

Even though just saying those words gives me dysphoria 

So deep that breathing is painful. 

I’m not a he, she, or they, 

I’m an it.

I’m a reason for people to feel good about themselves.

Yay you! 

You treated me like an alien, but at least you were nice! 

You’re my hero for showing me basic human decency! 

No, sorry.

 I’m too busy thinking about how my mom 

Won’t even consider that her kid is genderqueer because 

“she’s just really easily influenced”.

And “none of this started until I found a generqueer person” 

Which is so far from the truth, B

ut she doesn’t want to admit that I’m not a girl 

Because I’m just not trans enough for her! 

I’m not trans enough!