Burnt Out and Weary

I am so tired of breathing.

So tired of dragging ragged breaths into my worn down lungs. 

Tired of the way my chest tightens as if even my body is tired of fighting this fight. 

This fight that I am so obviously losing. 

I am so tired of looking at the world around me and realizing that I am nothing. 

That I am just a shell with a heart that’s barely wanting to beat and thoughts that are slowly poisoning my soul. 

And I am so tired of the way my hands shake when I’m alone, 

the way the tears just come so easily now. 

I am so tired of pushing away the thoughts of how easily I could just disappear. 

How easily I could remove myself from a world that will keep spinning, with or without me. 

and I am so tired of the way that I care too much to actually do it.

tired of living in a constant state of hollowness because

how could I do that to

my mom? 

To my sister? 

To the man who has given so much of his own heart to try and mend mine? 

I cant. 

I can’t, and I will just have to grappel with the exhausting struggle of living. 

But hey, that’s life right?